Jake and Jennifer Nelson are from intouchmarriage.com. In their 14 years of marriage, they have always been involved in ministry as a team. Through all of the ministries they’ve been involved in – children’s, teen, recovery programs, and even currently in music, how to work with others in healthy communication has always been their heartbeat.
The Subject Christians Don’t Want to Talk About
by Jake and Jennifer Nelson, In Touch Marriage
We started learning to build our healthy relationship early, before we were married, and continuing throughout. That foundation has kept our marriage strong through all that life has thrown at us. Over our years in ministry, we have come into contact with so many couples in trouble. Marriages full of frustration – especially sexual. Christians seemed to dance around the issue of sex like it was a dirty thing to talk about.
Our passion is to help couples learn to open up to each other. To encourage couples to make a commitment to communicate, open up about sexuality, and make every day (and night) with our spouse the best it can be so they can experience marriage to the fullest. When we learn to communicate our needs, and not be ashamed of our sexuality, we can truly live a marriage that is a reflection of Gods love for us!
Sexuality isn’t often explored in church, or talked about in Christian homes openly. Marriage classes or seminars are so few and far between and are often met with closed minded “our marriage is just fine thank you ” attitudes. But the truth is, we are all works in progress. Just like we discipline ourselves to become more like Christ, we can learn to become better communicators, more open, more trusting. A good marriage can become a great one. Hurts and misconceptions can be turned into victory and truth.
Proverbs 30:18-19 There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand: the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a snake on a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas, and the way of a man with a maiden.
Christians are to live a life of freedom. And yes, that freedom extends into the bedroom. For some Christians, talking about sex is not only uncomfortable, but they may feel that it shouldn’t be done in a public forum, and that it is immoral to do so. That is not the case. We respect the convictions of others, but talking about sex with others is simply not wrong. (Titus 2:2-8)
Today, marriage is undermined from all sides. Pornography is more available than ever before. Websites that advertise “discreet affairs” encourage cheating. With the very definition of marriage being redefined, the issues facing married Christians need to be addressed, and that includes sex.
For some, talking about sex is easy and fun. For others, it is more difficult and kind of embarrassing. Some Christians end up in a third category. After a life of “just say no”, they can feel clueless, even sinful, around the idea or action of sex. It is something to be enjoyed, celebrated, encouraged, taught about, and talked about.
No matter what group you are in, your situation will never change (for the good) without communication. It’s the lifeblood of a relationship, so crucial, so all important, and sometimes so hard.
Why is it hard sometimes to just talk? The answers are legion. Everything from embarrassment to fear of rejection, trust issues, past abuse, not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings, fear of change, and on and on they go.
These are all valid. It’s not fun bringing up issues when you’re not sure of the response you’ll get. Nobody wants to throw their most kinky fantasy out there only to get a “Eeeeeewwww, you want to WHAT with my WHAT?”
The truth is, by holding things in, you’ll damage your relationship. Over time, resentment can build, inadequacy will grow, and walls will begin to go up. Don’t let fear of a response hold you prisoner. The enemy of your soul wants to sour what God has planned to be sweet. Wants, needs and desires need to come out. Communication, and more importantly, how we communicate, is key.
Proverbs 12:18 (NIV) The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
There are far less restrictions regarding sex in the Bible than most people think. There are “gray” areas as well as black & white issues. When in doubt, look at Scripture and talk it over with your spouse. Remember, your marriage is a gift from God, and like everything He made, it is good. When we learn to communicate about sex, it can be very good!
For communication tips and ways to spice up your marriage, visit our blog at www.intouchmarriage.com