National Abuse Month: Do What You Can
by Carole Brown
Abuse is an ugly word. We don’t want to face the fact it exists in our world. Most of us would rather settle for the noncommittal life of NOT having to take a stand against something so horrible.
There are all types of abuse in the world.
Country abuse, meaning dictators and rulers who impose their rule, against the people’s wishes
Children abuse: sex trades, sex molestation from family, friends, and associations, and ordinary home abuse where the child suffers ridicule and little encouragement to grow up as a beneficial citizen and person.
Spousal abuse. Both men and women.
It’s Everywhere; We Can’t Escape!
Yet most of us approach it, if not every day, then often in our own lives. Let me give you some amateur examples:
Some abusers are stupid, and what I mean by that, they don’t learn. Let me clarify. Many times, abusers WILL NOT stop. They’re not going to quit abusing. They can’t. Most of them have suffered abuse and grow up to become abusers. Why stop what you know? What you’ve become?
Then you have the abusers who learn HOW to abuse. In other words, they hide their abuse. Once caught by the law, they know enough to hit and/or speak their abuse without the signs being evident. Women or men who’ve gone through the broken bones and bruises now appear as normal people. That’s because, the abuser has learned to “punish” in a way that’s not visible.
Creatures, Seen and Unseen:
Abusers are often times invisible. They could be your banker, your insurance agent, your minister (yes, that’s what I said!), or anyone else you meet on a monthly, weekly, daily basis. They’re dressed well, earn a nice income, are friendly and likeable.
Other times they’re very much visible. The person who yells in public at their child, smacks them unreasonably in public, or who neglects them with the proper food and clothing. You can’t always assume the parents are abusive. They may just be having a bad day. But a continual demonstration of these acts could very well be a form of abuse.
Is It Ever Right to Correct a Child?
Let me stress here I’m not against punishment, even physical. BUT, punishment on a child MUST ALWAYS be administered correctly, with love. Angering your child or letting him grow up resentful (of his parent) is not a good thing. The old saying, This hurts me worse than you, really should be true if a parent appropriately cares and loves his child. A child does need to know why and be encouraged to understand why they are being punished. Angry, spur-of-the moment corrections will seldom do you or the child any good.
Is There Any Help Anywhere?
Online you can find many groups and professional organizations that can give the proper care, advise, and treatment to those suffering from abuse and to those, who are willing, who administer abuse.
Check your yellow pages for local businesses who offer help. Ask your doctor or local Chamber of Commerce. Even the police might have a recommendation.
Encourage the abused and the abuser to talk with a minister. They need help, and love, and encouragement to seek help. Realize it’s hard to break out of a life-long pattern. The abuser is doing what he’s been taught to do. The abused is living what they’ve always experienced, or believe they deserve it, or are afraid. It’s a horrible situation to live.
Pray. God loves both the abused and the abuser, even as ugly as the act is.
In my soon-to-be-released novel: The Redemption of Caralynne Hayman, Cara and Dayne, the protagonists, have grown up in a cult who habitually abusers women and girls. Is it a disturbing book? Yes. Is it a book to make you think and feel? Yes. It brings to life the topic of abuse. Here’s a brief blurb:
How far would YOU go to avenge a daughter’s cruel death? Cara is considered rebellious and inappropriate to befriend. Dayne is the apple of Elder Simmons’ eye—until he takes a stand against their teachings. Can his prayers and love reach Cara and show her the way to redemption? Will Cara realize God’s love and forgiveness before she goes too far?
The Redemption of Caralynne Hayman is a novel of hope shining through the darkness with strong elements of suspense and romance and was a semifinalist in the Genesis contest. Release date is October 21, 2013 from the Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas, an ACFW approved publisher. The preorder link for the book which is on SALE NOW is: http://www.amazon.com/dp/1938499948/
Celebrating the release of The Redemption of Caralynne Hayman, I’m collecting and encouraging others to send their unused old cell phones to National Domestic Abuse Coalition. They will provide postage free labels and if you mention you’re doing it to celebrate the release of my novel, The Redemption of Caralynne Hayman, I will make sure you get a free digital copy of the companion book: West Virginia Scrapbook: From the Life of Caralynne Hayman.
Excerpt from first page of The Redemption of Caralynne Hayman:
Twenty years earlier
The shadow creatures on the wall shook their wings and legs. Heads with horns nodded. Scary, dark faces watched.
The little girl clasped her floppy-eared rabbit against her chest and stared into the dark.
“Mmm …” Mommy’s murmur reached to her through the walls, and the giggles from her mother tiptoed in, shooing the fear away.
Whoosh. She blew out a breath and squeezed her rabbit tighter. “Mommy has a friend with her, Ramsey. She loves me just like I love you and will give me hugs in the morning after the man leaves.”
Ramsey said nothing. She ran her fingers over his face and could feel his black button eyes staring at her, trusting her to protect him.
“And she’ll read to us and I’ll sit on her lap and we’ll snuggle—all of us together.” She nodded and tugged on Ramsey’s left ear then rolled over.
Real live whispers and laughter floated into the room.
Opening her mouth in a wide yawn, she patted Ramsey’s tummy and whispered again, “Don’t be afraid. I’m right here.”
“Please. That hurts.”
“Mommy?” The little girl frowned but her eyes wouldn’t open. Just like they did when she and mommy put cucumbers slices on their eyes.
Rubbing at her eyes the little girl sat up. Mommy had never sounded like this before, and neither had any of the men—the men who brought flowers and candy and money.
Besides being a member and active participant of many writing groups, Carole Brown enjoys mentoring beginning writers. She loves to weave suspense and tough topics into her books, along with a touch of romance and whimsy, and is always on the lookout for outstanding titles and catchy ideas. She and her husband reside in SE Ohio but have ministered and counseled nationally and internationally. Together, they enjoy their grandsons, traveling, gardening, good food, the simple life, and did she mention their grandsons?
Connect with her here:
Personal blog: http://sunnebnkwrtr.blogspot.com/
She is also a part of several other blogs:
Geezers Guys and Gals: http://geezerguysandgals.blogspot.com/
Stitches in Time: http://stitchesthrutime.blogspot.com/
Barn Door Book Loft: http://www.barndoorbookloft.net/
Wednesday – a review of The Redemption of Caralynne Hayman.